The Ugly Truth About "I'm Not Enough" (and the Messy Path to Freedom)

 Hey friend,

I've been staring at the screen for a while, trying to find the right words to describe the mess I used to be. Because that's what it was – a beautiful, heartbreaking mess. I was trapped, suffocating under the weight of my own self-doubt, all thanks to one insidious lie: "I'm not enough."

For me, this lie took the form of a number on the scale. I was morbidly obese, a human yo-yo, bouncing between diets and despair. Food was my best friend, always there to comfort me when life got rough or emotional. But it was a toxic friendship, one that kept me stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage. And the worst part? I actually convinced myself that God wanted it that way. Seriously. I told myself that being overweight was my divine cross to bear, a predetermined fate I was powerless to change. It was the ultimate cop-out, the perfect excuse to keep drowning in a sea of comfort food and self-pity.

Why would I do that to myself? Because facing the truth was terrifying. The truth was, I was scared. Scared of failing, scared of succeeding, scared of actually stepping into the life I secretly craved. Being overweight was my safety blanket, my excuse to stay small, to avoid taking risks, to never truly put myself out there. It was easier to blame God, genetics, anything but my own fear, than to admit I was the one holding myself back. It was easier to turn to my "best friend" food than to confront the pain and insecurity I was feeling.

My "I'm not enough" story played out in a constant loop of self-sabotage. I'd start a new diet, full of hope and determination. But then, that familiar voice would creep in, whispering doubts. "You're not strong enough," it would say. "You'll never stick with it. You don't deserve to be healthy and happy." And like clockwork, I'd fall off the wagon, spiraling back into old habits, each failure adding another layer of shame and reinforcing the lie that I was destined to be miserable. And who was always there to pick up the pieces? My "best friend" food, of course.

The Breaking Point (and the Raw, Messy Truth)

In the midst of my own personal health crisis, I hit a breaking point. It was a stark realization that I couldn't go on living the way I was. My weight had spiraled out of control, and I was facing serious health consequences. The turning point came when I couldn't even finish a 5K with my wife. It was a wake-up call, a loud and clear message that I needed to make a change. I realized that I needed to break up with my "best friend" food and find new, healthier ways to cope with life's challenges.

Bariatric surgery was the first step, but it was just the beginning. I knew that true transformation required more than just physical change. It required a change in mindset, a belief that I was capable of more. I started to embrace a new identity, one that was defined by my determination and resilience.

I dove head first into fitness, forming a workout group to support others on their own journeys. I discovered a passion for helping people, and I became a certified Master Coach. Along the way, I achieved incredible milestones, completing half marathons and even a full marathon.

But the biggest victory was not in the races themselves, but in the transformation I underwent. I learned to celebrate the hard parts, to embrace the challenges as opportunities for growth. I realized that the finish line was just the starting line for a life of endless possibilities.

I finally admitted to myself: This isn't God's will. This is me, choosing fear over faith, comfort over growth. This is me, believing the lie that I'm not enough. That lie was straight from the devil. And it ends now.

Breaking Free: Your Journey Starts Here

That moment was the beginning of a long, arduous, and incredibly messy journey. It wasn't linear, and it definitely wasn't pretty. But it was real. And it's not just my story. It's a story about the power of transformation, a story I'm sharing not to boast about what I've done, but to help you see what's possible for you too.

Here's how I started to dismantle the "I'm not enough" lie, and how you can too:

• Unearthing the Lies: This is the hardest part, the deep dive into the dark corners of your mind. It might feel painful or even scary to confront these lies, but it's the crucial first step. Get brutally honest with yourself. What are the specific lies you tell yourself? "I'm too old," "I'm too damaged," "I'm not smart enough," "I'll always be alone." Write them down. Don't judge them, just acknowledge them. Mine were: "I'm supposed to be fat, I can't be fit and healthy, I'm not worth the effort, I don't deserve to feel good about myself, I'm going to fail anyway."
• The Interrogation: Now, challenge those lies. Treat them like suspects in a crime. Where's the evidence? Is this belief based on facts, or fear? Most of the time, you'll find those lies are built on shaky foundations of past hurts, societal pressures, and your own insecurities. For each of mine, I had to find proof that it wasn't true. That journey to find the proof found myself setting with a therapist once a week and then hiring a life coach and eventually understanding that there really is a God and I had to trust in His plan for my life, all of those things are what enabled me to find myself. This took time, and I didn't believe it at first. But I kept challenging those negative lies.
• Affirmation Warfare: This might feel cheesy, but it works. Replace those lies with powerful affirmations. Write them on sticky notes, put them on your mirror, repeat them like a mantra. "I am worthy of love and happiness," "I am strong and capable," "I am enough, just as I am." If you struggle with body image, tailor your affirmations to address that specifically. Instead of just 'I am enough,' try 'I love and appreciate my body for all it does for me.'" Even if you don't believe it at first, keep saying it. Your brain, after being told these lies for so long, needs to hear the truth.
• Radical Self-Compassion: This was a game-changer for me. Start treating yourself like you would treat your best friend. Would you berate them for their flaws? Would you tell them they're not enough? No! Nourish your body with healthy food, move it in ways that feel good, rest when you're tired, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. For me, radical self-compassion meant allowing myself to rest when I was exhausted, even if it meant missing a workout. It meant forgiving myself for past mistakes and focusing on what I could do in the present moment. I had to learn to give myself grace for the years I spent hating myself. I had to forgive myself before I could move forward.
• Celebrate the Inchstones: Forget giant leaps, focus on the small, incremental victories. Did you choose a healthy meal over junk food? Celebrate it. Did you walk for 15 minutes instead of sitting on the couch? Celebrate it. Did you journal and write down your feelings? Celebrate it. Each small win is a brick in the foundation of your new, empowered self. It doesn't matter how small the victory is. Acknowledge it. This was a huge part of my journey.
• Find Your Tribe: You do not have to do this alone. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up, not drag you down. This could be friends, a therapist, or an online community. You need people to remind you of your worth on days when you forget. It's critical to have people in your life who will support you, encourage you, and keep you accountable. Lean on them.

This is a lifelong journey, my friend. There will be setbacks, there will be tears, there will be days when you want to give up. But I promise you, it's worth the fight. Because when you finally break free from the shackles of "I'm not enough," you step into a life filled with joy, purpose, and a love for yourself that is truly unshakable. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

You are enough. You have always been enough. Now go out there and start believing it.

The Best Is Yet To Come!

Coach Michael Tew

P.S. Ready to take the next step on your journey to self-acceptance and a healthier, happier you? I offer personalized coaching programs designed to help you break free from limiting beliefs and achieve lasting transformation. Check out my website at www.CoachMichael.fit to learn more about how I can support you.